Today, I found myself in tears—tears of pride and joy. They caught me off guard, but they came from a deep place of reflection and gratitude for how far I’ve come, both in body and spirit. I want to give insight into my journey because it holds lessons I believe are worth sharing.
The Pain I Silenced
For most of my menstrual life, I endured the difficult reality of painful, heavy periods. I believed it was normal. Raised in a Pentecostal Christian culture rooted in fear and shame, I was taught that suffering was a woman’s burden—a consequence of Eve’s choices in the Garden of Eden.
I learned to accept the unbearable. Heavy flows and clotting. Searing pain that wrapped around my back and thighs. Nausea, vomiting, and exhaustion so intense it was hard to rise each morning. I even dismissed symptoms like heat flashes in my early 30s, involuntary vaginal spasms resulting in vaginal pain, and pain and spotting during workouts as just another part of being a woman.
But these weren’t just inconveniences—they were cries from my body, asking to be heard.
A Truth Revealed
In January 2023, a specialist shattered my understanding of “normal.” A vaginal ultrasound revealed adenomyosis—a condition rare in childless women unless paired with untreated chronic endometriosis. Surgery in February confirmed stage 4 endometriosis, with years of endometrial implants spread across my uterus and other organs.
I was stunned. How could I have ignored this for so long? Why had I accepted years of pain as inevitable? The surgery was life-changing, but it also brought emotions I wasn’t prepared for: grief, anger, and deep self-reflection.
Unpacking the Weight
After my diagnosis, I uncovered a family history of reproductive issues I’d never known about. Fibroids, hysterectomies, emergency surgeries—these stories had been hidden in silence. I grappled with feelings of betrayal and isolation. Why was I left to endure without guidance or support?
Beyond the family dynamics, I had to confront myself. Though I never truly wanted children, I couldn’t ignore the choices I’d made to dismiss my pain. I’d ignored signs of infertility, pushed through workouts that left me cramping and spotting, and silenced my body’s warnings out of fear of being seen as weak or incapable.
The hardest truth to face was this: I had neglected the most feminine part of myself, smothering her voice until she could no longer be ignored.
Reclaiming My Strength
Healing has been a layered journey. After surgery, I began rebuilding—starting with pilates and physical therapy to retrain my abdominal muscles after years of tension. Slowly, I added dance workouts, then strength training. Every step forward felt like reclaiming a part of myself I had lost.
This morning, I returned to a dance workout I hadn’t touched in over a year. I added ankle weights to challenge myself, and as I moved, memories of my past selves came flooding in: the me who doubled over in pain during workouts, terrified of spotting again and not knowing why; the me who modified every move, determined just to finish. Today, I felt strong. I felt joy. And I felt the pride of every version of me who refused to give up.
Endometriosis Symptoms and Diagnosis: An Invitation to Listen
This journey has taught me the sacred importance of listening—to my body, my spirit, and the whispers of intuition I once ignored. Even with an incurable condition, I’ve found strength in tuning in and honoring what my body needs.
If you’re experiencing symptoms like those I’ve described, I urge you: don’t ignore yourself. Don’t let anyone dismiss your pain or make you feel like it’s all in your head. Seek out the care you deserve. Your body, your spirit, and your future self are worth the fight; worth your love.
You are not alone on this path. If my story speaks to you or you feel called to share your own journey, let’s connect. Together, we can honor our stories and uplift one another as we navigate this human experience.
With love and resilience,
--- The Waking Goddess
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